If you’re wondering if you should break up with your boyfriend or your partner, here are some signs that it might be time to end your relationship or give it some serious thought. If one or more of the following situations applies to you, it’s probably in your best interest to break up.
You talk about an improvement in your relationship in the hypothetical future.
In other words, you are convinced that the relationship will be better “when”. Here are some examples :
- I know he will like me more when his friends get married.
- She will cope better with my anxiety disorder when we finish our studies.
- We will feel more connected when we move in together.
Many people believe that their partner will change. For example, that he will become more committed, more understanding or more affectionate, when they reach a milestone or when an external stressor is reduced. It may happen sometimes, but it is not a guarantee. If you knew it would never change, would you still be in the same situation long term?
Base your desire to be in your relationship on your current experience, not on a future idea of what you want it to be. Don’t let fancy ties hold you back in a relationship that’s going nowhere.
You feel loved and supported…but only when you are happy.
Many of us feel loved and supported in our relationships when we are happy, confident and at ease. But what happens when we have an “off” day? When we are mega-stressed at work? When we’re bedridden with a stomach flu or when we’re plagued by anxiety? What happens when we lose a loved one, are laid off, or receive a life-altering diagnosis?
When we feel compelled to maintain a certain emotional balance with our partners, we create secondary emotions: guilt, shame and anxiety. For any experience other than happiness and calm. Inevitably, life has other surprises in store for you than happiness and calm. It is therefore important that you feel safe to feel these less pleasant emotions in the presence of your partner.
You regularly have negative feelings in the presence of your partner.
You feel disrespected, undervalued, frustrated, hurt, insignificant, alone, invalidated, ashamed or guilty on a regular basis . And you rarely hear “I’m sorry”.
Of course, “regularly” is a term you need to define. Some would say that it’s never okay to have things like that felt in a relationship, but we’re all human and we all say hurtful or unhelpful things from time to time. If your partner makes mistakes from time to time and reacts with remorse, that may not be a reason to break up with him. However, if the above feelings are common, it’s time to end the relationship.
Getting your partner to spend time with friends and family is oddly difficult.
Do you dread telling your partner about your sister-in-law’s invitation to dinner? Does attending your best friend’s birthday party result in hours of negotiations? Do your co-workers sometimes wonder if your partner really exists? By asking your partner to spend time with your friends or family, do you feel like you are asking them to hand over all of their belongings and move to the Arctic?
Your better half doesn’t have to love all of your family members and all of your friends. Nevertheless, it is important that he/she is ready to assume his/her responsibilities as a partner without (too) much protest. You, of course, do the same, don’t you?
What you must remember.
If one or more of these signs resonates with you, dig deeper into your thoughts and feelings. See a therapist, confide in a friend, or write a journal about your experience. The answer should come to you. When you’re ready, you can decide once and for all whether you should stick together, take a break, or just act out and break up with your partner.